Today has been absolutely dreadful, among the deep personal issues I’m going through and the family ones too. The tormenting by the psycho ex HAS to stop. She sees only that she is mad at me every day because of stupid things like this that I can’t control. I now have to slowly let my grip on the one I love the most fade. She doesn’t want a boyfriend, she just wants to be alone. She misses her ex more than anything in the entire world and I can’t make up for the gap in her heart. I’ve tried EVERYTHING. I’ve been cute, clingy, distant, tolerant, happy, sad, sympathetic, loving, caring. I don’t know what to do, you can’t make someone love you. She says she rushed into a relationship too fast, and she has. I don’t want to lose her though, she means more than the world to me, I don’t know what to do. She keeps telling me she misses him, she misses him, she misses everything about him. WELL I MISS YOU TOO. I MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, your voice, your presence, your laugh, your smile, your eyes, your jokes, your drawings, what about me? I want her to be happy too, but she’s not, that’s the thing. If she were leaving me to be happy with him I’d understand but now she doesn’t want anyone at all, just to be left alone and there’s nothing I can do and no one sees how miserable I am. I can’t lose her.
At least she apologized for ignoring me, things seemed like they could have gotten better from there on in until my spiteful bitch of an ex girlfriend has to torment her every day. This is not good at all, I can only rely on time to tell me what lies ahead.
Well she still can’t get over her ex. Looks like I’ll forever be her second choice. It’s really a shitty feeling when you put someone first and you always get put second. I can’t tell what she’s ever thinking and it sucks. She tends to ignore me too \: What does this mean?
Things have started to get better, as they always do, but who’s to day they don’t get worse again like, well, they always do. She talks to me more, we have someone who kind of gives us advice when we can’t work something out. I feel like since I love her and I want her to be happy I can’t tell her the problems I’m having with her hanging out with her new friends 24/7. She never makes any room for me anymore it seems. This is more recent than not. I know I’ve been working on the things she hasn’t liked about me, I really have, I hope she’s noticed that much. She went to the mall for the entirety of this weekend with her new found friends, and they attract a new crowd of people. Definitely a bunch of egotistical asshole guys that hit on every girl with a pulse. I really hope I can trust her but it kills me inside when I don’t know. Especially after what happened between us when she already had a boyfriend. Things are confusing right now and I’m really trying not to fall apart. I’m rejecting what seems like a perfect girl for this one, denying her the chance that I was so close to taking. I don’t know right now if I’m regretting it or not. I just really hope things work out for the best and my relationships grow stronger and wont complicate things.